You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Did I show you my penis last night?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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