Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Acid is not a monday night drug
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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