remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
