no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
