I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
