those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
So much Jack, so little girl.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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