Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
