I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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