Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
