I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
