don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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