I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
