question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
