I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
