Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
