can u get pink eye on your cock?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
