i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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