pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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