I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Randomize
