were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
