I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
