Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
