seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Randomize
