He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
