it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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