glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
