I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
You smell like stripper and shame
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
