He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
