how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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