I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
