I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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