We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
