How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
