When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
NoShamevember. You game?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
