i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
