literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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