fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
