I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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