I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
