ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
