I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
