if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
