Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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