I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
