are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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