Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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