I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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