Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Randomize
