There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
