shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
